A brief list of things I don't understand, but wish I did:
1. Quantum computing
2. String theory
3. How classic pro-life people can justify simultaneously demanding that a fetus be given for free all the things necessary for its survival (over the interests of another being) and calling for an end to socialized medicine and right to free health plans for all citizens.
4. Why I don't feel guilty when I eat a pork chop, even though I know that an adult pig has a continuing sense of self (the necessary mental prerequisite to generate and sustain interests).
5. How other people think.
6. Why some women persist in thinking of themselves as being physically flawed despite being pretty enough that in another life where the Academian was tall, dark, and handsome (and why not add that he'd drive a Lexus, live in the dream house he's always wanted, and be just gangsta enough to warrant the appellation 'White Choklit'), women like this would have made the Academian's head turn with an audible, "Damn, girl." If you can qualify for any term with the suffix
'-licious,' shouldn't that be good enough?
7. Why 'house-husband' is not a legitimate occupation
8. What code provision provides the answer when the angry elf professor asks the following question: "What's it all mean? Have we just marched the King's men up one side of the hill and down the other again?"
9. Why my friends can remember that I'm on a diet when my birthday comes around, but my parents can't remember to call or send a card until the Saturday afterward when they show up 30 minutes late.
10. Why I felt compelled to sort a bag of skittles into equi-numeric piles of component colors and discard (read: eat) the remainder before munching down on the balance of free skittles MindSpewer gave me.
Added bonus: I was going to add an item that said, "Free bonus thing I don't understand: Why I felt compelled to make this list 10 items long," but then I thought about it and realized that that would make it 11 items long and so deleted the extra 11th item... Does that make me a little on the OCD side?
2. String theory
3. How classic pro-life people can justify simultaneously demanding that a fetus be given for free all the things necessary for its survival (over the interests of another being) and calling for an end to socialized medicine and right to free health plans for all citizens.
4. Why I don't feel guilty when I eat a pork chop, even though I know that an adult pig has a continuing sense of self (the necessary mental prerequisite to generate and sustain interests).
5. How other people think.
6. Why some women persist in thinking of themselves as being physically flawed despite being pretty enough that in another life where the Academian was tall, dark, and handsome (and why not add that he'd drive a Lexus, live in the dream house he's always wanted, and be just gangsta enough to warrant the appellation 'White Choklit'), women like this would have made the Academian's head turn with an audible, "Damn, girl." If you can qualify for any term with the suffix
'-licious,' shouldn't that be good enough?
7. Why 'house-husband' is not a legitimate occupation
8. What code provision provides the answer when the angry elf professor asks the following question: "What's it all mean? Have we just marched the King's men up one side of the hill and down the other again?"
9. Why my friends can remember that I'm on a diet when my birthday comes around, but my parents can't remember to call or send a card until the Saturday afterward when they show up 30 minutes late.
10. Why I felt compelled to sort a bag of skittles into equi-numeric piles of component colors and discard (read: eat) the remainder before munching down on the balance of free skittles MindSpewer gave me.
Added bonus: I was going to add an item that said, "Free bonus thing I don't understand: Why I felt compelled to make this list 10 items long," but then I thought about it and realized that that would make it 11 items long and so deleted the extra 11th item... Does that make me a little on the OCD side?
posted by The Academian | 2:52 PM
5 Comments:
Well, White Choklit, I've only dabbled in string theory, so I can't help you there. But I'm pretty sure that there's nothing weird with sorting delicious bits of candy into equi-number colored piles before eating them. Unless you eat the colors out of order that is.
You can trust me on that. I'm pretty smart.
I foresee on the horizon the downfall of string theory as a unifed explanation of theoretical physics in favor of a more controversial unified theory, MMD. Yarn theory. It'll revolutionize the way we see the world...
As for the skittles, it's hard to know what the proper order is anymore... I used to eat the orange ones first, but now I tend to save them for the end. For a brief period, I even ate skittles one at a time from each color, keeping the piles in equal numbers as I worked through the tiny bag of delicious goodness.
I just hope my Skittle consumption heresies and blasphemies aren't a sin against the candy gods.
The proper order is as follows: all the orange, all the red, then you eat one each from purple, green, and yellow (in that order) until there is one purple, one green, and one yellow, at which point there is some flexibility in that the remaining three Skittles can be eaten either purple, green, yellow, or green, purple, yellow.
It's all very simple. This whole order can be applied to many other candies. If there happens to be pink, then pink can take the place of either green or yellow, depending on the circumstances. And, of course, the rules regarding yellow do not apply if the underlying flavor is banana. For example, yellow Runts must be eaten first, if at all. If in excess, then they may simply be thrown away.
W.C., you are OCD because of the skittles and for making a list of ten. Sometimes I just make lists of 4 or 2 just to throw people off. And house husband is a legitimate occupation. I'm one.
I'm fairly sure you can't be a house husband, MS. I haven't looked up the necessary prerequisites for being a house husband, but I think it requires that you be some kind of husband first. You might ask K-$ about that, but I'm guessing you can't qualify due to some circumstances of your birth... It's such a sexist system, isn't it?
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