Who knew Federalism and Term Limits could be so HOT?

I’d like to take a moment to address a problem of growing consequence for America’s male youth. There are many issues which face our nation’s teenagers. From drug use and peer pressure to gangs and violence, today’s young men face a world quite different from those of their fathers. Through it all, though, there has been a single unifying constant – a solid unmoving bedrock in the ever-changing chaos of their lives onto which developing men could hang their hats.

I’m referring, of course, to the phenomenon of the hot teacher.

Every high school has one. I’m fairly sure it must be a rule of the education business or something, but it’s true. Each high school has a young new teacher that turns the head of every young man.

Sometimes it is because of the way she looks. Sometimes it is because of how she looks at the students. Sometimes it is because of the way she walks, or the way she purrs just a little when saying her ‘R’s. Whatever her allure, she’s always been there for young men to dream about, just as her predecessor was there for their fathers, and just as her predecessor’s predecessor was there for their grandfathers. Whether the cute art teacher who wears her hair in a pony-tail, the sultry ‘emo’ librarian with the art-house glasses, or the bombshell brunette AP American History teacher (special thanks to Mrs. S., without whom the teapot dome scandal would not have been fascinating), she’s been there for all of us, showing us the promise of what college held in store for us: hot, educated women.

Recently, a group of people have stepped into America’s schools to remove this last bastion of awesomeness from high schools all over the nation. Quite recently, an attractive social studies teacher at a Florida high school was involved in serious scandal after an outraged mother phoned the school board to complain that her son’s social studies teacher (Erica Chevillar) was featured on the USA National Bikini Team’s website under the name “Erica Lee.”

After doing some *ahem* research of my own, I have discovered an undeniable fact: this young teacher surely had the rapt attention of every guy in the class while she taught them about the intricacies of the American governmental system. Some guys hate math class. Some hate science. I can guarantee that none of them hated their civics lessons, even before they saw the pictures.

Now, however, she is being hounded by the school board and investigated by an ethics committee for the district. As a response, she seems to be in the process of resigning to pursue a career in another field. Tragedy.

There are two main problems with this. First, don’t these mothers love their sons? Seriously. The crush on a hot teacher is surely one of those milestones for each young man to pass on his way to adulthood, and I’d wager something similar happens for young girls. Not only are these soccer moms doing their best to ensure that their sons miss out on this important rite of passage, but can you imagine the severe beatings that now face the son of the mother that complained? Good God. She might as well have sent him off to school with a sign on his back that said, “My mom killed Christmas.” Secondly, though, another American icon is slowly being ground into the dust by those trying to wipe out any last traces of fun from high school, and nobody seems to care. How sad.