A table away is too far.
I worry sometimes about etiquette in social situations.
While I like to think of myself as being at least somewhat debonair, and able to rise above the easily spotted gaffes like chewing my food with my mouth open, closing doors behind me when others are following, or staring at a woman’s chest while talking to her. While I am by no means a modern version of Mr. Manners, I think I am at least able to avoid seeming downright uncouth.
But my limited training and observational skills regarding etiquette leave me unable to cope with a current predicament. Some months back, I was friend-dumped by three of my five friends for reasons that still escape me (I have been left to my own devices to figure out what precisely I did wrong, since they have instituted a silent treatment against me). To say that their reactions to whatever it was that I did wrong hurt me would be a fair assessment, but I think that I have moved past some of the confusion and simply written it off as a regrettable end to what had otherwise been a happier chapter in my life. Valued friends cannot stay with me forever, I know. All good things must come to an end, I suppose, and maybe someday they will forgive my fault and the chapter can begin again.
Having been friend-dumped, though, I now face a troubling issue. I have a class with two of the three of these girls, and I simply do not know how to handle it. The class is a small seminar class and is largely driven by student-led discussion and argument, so there is little chance that I can avoid making them uncomfortable by being too intrusive into their lives during that period each week.
I have not yet figured out the appropriate things to do in this situation. Do I avoid looking at them? Do I look at them the same amount as anyone else? Do I look at them more than everyone else? Do I respond to their arguments less than everyone else’s, the same amount as everyone else’s, or more than everyone else’s arguments? Is it too much if I laugh at their jokes or smile at their good arguments? How do I handle the end of class when we all leave? If I leave quickly, does that reinforce their feeling of having been slighted or something?
I can tell that my social phobia is starting to come back, as well. In that class, the two of them were laughing, and even though I have no reason to think so, I have a powerful suspicion that they were laughing at me. It didn’t used to be that way. They have slipped from the people around whom I didn’t have to worry back out into the never-ending sea of people around whom I still feel overly self-conscious.
Sigh. There should be a book about how to handle a situation like this. I mean, I still wish things could be how they used to be, where I did not have to worry about how I conducted myself around them.
I just wish I knew how I was supposed to act around them now.
While I like to think of myself as being at least somewhat debonair, and able to rise above the easily spotted gaffes like chewing my food with my mouth open, closing doors behind me when others are following, or staring at a woman’s chest while talking to her. While I am by no means a modern version of Mr. Manners, I think I am at least able to avoid seeming downright uncouth.
But my limited training and observational skills regarding etiquette leave me unable to cope with a current predicament. Some months back, I was friend-dumped by three of my five friends for reasons that still escape me (I have been left to my own devices to figure out what precisely I did wrong, since they have instituted a silent treatment against me). To say that their reactions to whatever it was that I did wrong hurt me would be a fair assessment, but I think that I have moved past some of the confusion and simply written it off as a regrettable end to what had otherwise been a happier chapter in my life. Valued friends cannot stay with me forever, I know. All good things must come to an end, I suppose, and maybe someday they will forgive my fault and the chapter can begin again.
Having been friend-dumped, though, I now face a troubling issue. I have a class with two of the three of these girls, and I simply do not know how to handle it. The class is a small seminar class and is largely driven by student-led discussion and argument, so there is little chance that I can avoid making them uncomfortable by being too intrusive into their lives during that period each week.
I have not yet figured out the appropriate things to do in this situation. Do I avoid looking at them? Do I look at them the same amount as anyone else? Do I look at them more than everyone else? Do I respond to their arguments less than everyone else’s, the same amount as everyone else’s, or more than everyone else’s arguments? Is it too much if I laugh at their jokes or smile at their good arguments? How do I handle the end of class when we all leave? If I leave quickly, does that reinforce their feeling of having been slighted or something?
I can tell that my social phobia is starting to come back, as well. In that class, the two of them were laughing, and even though I have no reason to think so, I have a powerful suspicion that they were laughing at me. It didn’t used to be that way. They have slipped from the people around whom I didn’t have to worry back out into the never-ending sea of people around whom I still feel overly self-conscious.
Sigh. There should be a book about how to handle a situation like this. I mean, I still wish things could be how they used to be, where I did not have to worry about how I conducted myself around them.
I just wish I knew how I was supposed to act around them now.
posted by The Academian | 1:01 AM
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