Advice?
Well, I went on my first ‘date’ with the girl who I suppose I should stop calling Stalker-chick. That still leaves up in the air how I should refer to her, but at the moment, I’m not sure even what to think about her.
She came over to my flat and we talked. Time flew past, and before I knew it, four and a half hours had passed and it was time to say goodbye. I found myself conversing easily with her, and we never seemed to run out of things to talk about. I was comfortable enough to tell interesting stories with clever and witty endings. At one point during our conversation she was laughing, and I found myself about to blurt out that she had one of the most beautiful, musical laughs I’d ever heard. And she wants to see me again.
With any guy other than me, those would all be good signs, I would imagine. Unfortunately, I’m not guys other than me.
On the one hand, isn’t this just what I want? She’s modestly pretty, can talk to me, has insights into issues that I think about, and most importantly, seems to find me entertaining and wants to spend time with me. Aren’t those qualities enough for me?
But on the other hand, I spent four and a half hours talking to her without feeling anything for her. And even the fact that I spent four and a half hours talking to her indicates that I’m acknowledging that it’s not going to work. I mean, with available women to whom I’m attracted, I clam up. My mind goes blank, and I can’t think of conversational topics. I usually sit there in awkward silence, getting more and more nervous and judging myself more and more harshly for the silence, until someone else comes along to save the conversation. With people to whom I’m not attracted, or with people to whom I am attracted but who are unavailable, I can deal with them as people instead of as individuals who are scrutinizing me for the tiniest flaws and missteps.
I’ve never ‘grown’ to be attracted to someone in my memory. An old girlfriend once told me that was a flaw in my personality that reflected my inability to grow up, but I prefer to think of it as a simple understanding of my tastes. I don’t need to try most dishes in a restaurant to know which ones I will like. I’ll know within minutes of seeing them, and no amount of eating food I find unappetizing will somehow make it appetizing (I may grow to tolerate it, but do I want to merely tolerate someone in a relationship?).
And the simple point is that, as of now, I don’t feel that special spark that I’ve felt with all of the varied Miss Perfects out there in my current life and history.
So the question becomes, do I continue on with her hoping something grows or do I recognize this as a seed tossed onto the path where there is no fertile soil? Are my standards too high in my desire to be a companion to a woman about whom I can't stop thinking?
She came over to my flat and we talked. Time flew past, and before I knew it, four and a half hours had passed and it was time to say goodbye. I found myself conversing easily with her, and we never seemed to run out of things to talk about. I was comfortable enough to tell interesting stories with clever and witty endings. At one point during our conversation she was laughing, and I found myself about to blurt out that she had one of the most beautiful, musical laughs I’d ever heard. And she wants to see me again.
With any guy other than me, those would all be good signs, I would imagine. Unfortunately, I’m not guys other than me.
On the one hand, isn’t this just what I want? She’s modestly pretty, can talk to me, has insights into issues that I think about, and most importantly, seems to find me entertaining and wants to spend time with me. Aren’t those qualities enough for me?
But on the other hand, I spent four and a half hours talking to her without feeling anything for her. And even the fact that I spent four and a half hours talking to her indicates that I’m acknowledging that it’s not going to work. I mean, with available women to whom I’m attracted, I clam up. My mind goes blank, and I can’t think of conversational topics. I usually sit there in awkward silence, getting more and more nervous and judging myself more and more harshly for the silence, until someone else comes along to save the conversation. With people to whom I’m not attracted, or with people to whom I am attracted but who are unavailable, I can deal with them as people instead of as individuals who are scrutinizing me for the tiniest flaws and missteps.
I’ve never ‘grown’ to be attracted to someone in my memory. An old girlfriend once told me that was a flaw in my personality that reflected my inability to grow up, but I prefer to think of it as a simple understanding of my tastes. I don’t need to try most dishes in a restaurant to know which ones I will like. I’ll know within minutes of seeing them, and no amount of eating food I find unappetizing will somehow make it appetizing (I may grow to tolerate it, but do I want to merely tolerate someone in a relationship?).
And the simple point is that, as of now, I don’t feel that special spark that I’ve felt with all of the varied Miss Perfects out there in my current life and history.
So the question becomes, do I continue on with her hoping something grows or do I recognize this as a seed tossed onto the path where there is no fertile soil? Are my standards too high in my desire to be a companion to a woman about whom I can't stop thinking?
posted by The Academian | 1:39 PM
1 Comments:
I completely agree, invisible comment-leaver. That was some really good advice. And timely, too.
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