Curiosities
I'm always curious about the goings-on in my friends' lives. I understand that due to my generally reserved nature I tend to fall outside the traditional lines of communication, and it's sometimes easy to forget that I don't know things.
I'm always scared that I'm forgettable. As much as friends tell me that this isn't the case, I always find that I fade into the background wherever I go and that people will fail to notice that I am present. A Constitutional law professor of mine at KU prided herself on her ability to learn students names and remember them from year to year. She even bragged to the class on the first day when she promised to learn our names that she had seen a former student in a grocery store recently and had recalled his name even though it had been almost half a decade since he had taken her class. I took two courses from her, in consecutive semesters, in the same room, where I sat in the same seat, and never varied my appearance drastically. She never learned my name.
As an undergrad, I found that my little circle of friends always seemed to be doing things without me. When the first Harry Potter movie came out, I was psyched to see it with the gang, but they all somehow they scheduled a time to see it, went around and got people's money, bought and picked up the tickets in advance, and prepared a carpooling system before anyone realized that they had neglected to inform me of the trip. I found out about it when my roommates were putting on their coats to leave and one asked me whether I was going.
The years may change, but I am always afraid that I'm out-of-the-loop still. Little inconsequentials reinforce that notion, like when I found out that a friend might be leaving our law school to guest study at another school down south. Everybody else apparently knew, but I was left out. I know it was an accident, but I'm not very good at handling accidents.
Other friends start serious relationships with people, and I'm the last to know. I know I'm not the most social guy in the world, but I'm surely not so bad as to be cut off from what must surely be an important part of someone's life.
These sorts of things make me very nervous that the social landscape around me is far more foreign than I realize, due to my inattention or ignorance.
There's one surefire way to waken this low-level, background anxiety. Have a friend surf the internet during class and have her be looking at wedding dresses for most of a class period. Scary.
I'm always scared that I'm forgettable. As much as friends tell me that this isn't the case, I always find that I fade into the background wherever I go and that people will fail to notice that I am present. A Constitutional law professor of mine at KU prided herself on her ability to learn students names and remember them from year to year. She even bragged to the class on the first day when she promised to learn our names that she had seen a former student in a grocery store recently and had recalled his name even though it had been almost half a decade since he had taken her class. I took two courses from her, in consecutive semesters, in the same room, where I sat in the same seat, and never varied my appearance drastically. She never learned my name.
As an undergrad, I found that my little circle of friends always seemed to be doing things without me. When the first Harry Potter movie came out, I was psyched to see it with the gang, but they all somehow they scheduled a time to see it, went around and got people's money, bought and picked up the tickets in advance, and prepared a carpooling system before anyone realized that they had neglected to inform me of the trip. I found out about it when my roommates were putting on their coats to leave and one asked me whether I was going.
The years may change, but I am always afraid that I'm out-of-the-loop still. Little inconsequentials reinforce that notion, like when I found out that a friend might be leaving our law school to guest study at another school down south. Everybody else apparently knew, but I was left out. I know it was an accident, but I'm not very good at handling accidents.
Other friends start serious relationships with people, and I'm the last to know. I know I'm not the most social guy in the world, but I'm surely not so bad as to be cut off from what must surely be an important part of someone's life.
These sorts of things make me very nervous that the social landscape around me is far more foreign than I realize, due to my inattention or ignorance.
There's one surefire way to waken this low-level, background anxiety. Have a friend surf the internet during class and have her be looking at wedding dresses for most of a class period. Scary.
posted by The Academian | 7:15 PM
2 Comments:
I took two classes from Mrs. J. She wrote a letter of recommendation for law school for me. She also called me Anna everyday.
That's hilarious. How did she write the letter, then? Did you have to go through and cross out all of the "Anna's" and replace them? Pretty name, though.
Anna.
I like the sound of it.
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