Apology for being snippy

Alright. I’ve had some time to cool down. I apologize that my last post sounded snippy and mean, but here’s my problem (I say, as if I only have one).

I don’t have a lot of things on which I pride myself. I’m not the smartest guy around. I don’t read people very well. I’m not some super-looking fellow. I don’t have a whole lot of talents. I’m fairly insensitive. I may be okay at some that I can do (I can cook, at least), but I don’t have a whole lot of qualities that I find as being all that admirable.

The only quality on which I pride myself, and I mean really pride myself, is that I am a good person. I may not be rich. I may not be handsome. I may not be hard-working. But damn it all, I’m a good man. I’ve spent the better part of my lifetime training myself and educating myself so that I know what the right thing to do is, know why it is the right thing to do, and do it anyway, even when I wish I could do something else.

I only live off of $850 dollars a month, and that has to pay for my rent, food, utilities, cable modem, gas, car insurance, and a host of other expenses like the astronomical price of textbooks each semester. Despite all that, I give a $150 dollar check each month to charity, and feel guilty that I’m paying for luxuries for myself (like a cable-modem) when I could use that money to save someone else’s life.

When people think that I’m not only not a good person, but an actively bad person, it hurts. I’d be able to brush it off, but you all are my friends, and that makes it hurt even more coming from you. In effect, you’ve said that I have failed in the only pursuit into which I’ve ever poured myself.

When I do say that, I can brush it off as me being overly critical of myself. When one of you says that to me, it means that you agree.

And that hurts.

Poll

Question 1)

Should I be mildy affronted that my friends suspect that I'm the kind of person that would consider violating the sanctity of a Catholic sacrament, or should I realize that my constant agonizing litany of my own personal failings possibly led them to the conclusion that I'm that bad of a person to begin with?

Question 2)

Integrity. Do I have it?

You decide.

So unbearably great

I wish, I wish, I wish I could afford to buy this shirt. It's a red T-shirt with the following picture on the front:

http://www.questionablecontent.net/shirts/midlarge.png

I wonder if I can afford both a tuxedo AND this shirt, 'cause that would be really cool.

Just how cavalier can I possibly be about a final, anyway?

So my evidence final starts in just under 2 hours. I should be studying. I should have been studying on Saturday afternoon, all day Sunday, and this morning, too. I should have, assuming that I'm a good law student, but of course I did the opposite.

I've been playing video games, doing my best to avoid thinking about the looming test, and sleeping. I even watched about 3 hours of television last night (the History channel had a neat little series on ancient inventions from the Greeks and Romans).

I just spent the last hour reading about the Ethiopian Orthodox Christian Church, and let me tell you, I'm intrigued. Get this: They claim to have the original Ark of the Covenant, including the tablets inside, in their possession. According to the Ethiopian church, after the sacking of the Temple in Jerusalem (the first sacking, by the Babylonians, not the second one by the Romans), one of Solomon's sons fled to Ethiopia with the Ark, which they have safeguarded these several millennia.

The location of what they claim is the Ark is not even a church secret or anything. They claim it is in a well-known cathedral in Ethiopia. The only catch is that neither women nor outsiders are allowed into the church, period. Fascinating historical curiosity!

Either/Or

I must be proof that either

A) There is no god, or
B) That there is a god who enjoys replaying the whole Job scenario.

Go me.

Five reasons not to go home right before a final:

1) Your father might reveal that he was recently diagnosed with Type II diabetes, and could have all kinds of negative health problems or die if he eats too many sweets. Then he could down an entire box of several dozen chocolate eggs left over from Easter in front of you.

2) Your father could spend a large part of the evening talking about how he expects to die soon, and planning how the family could get along without him.

3) Your parents might tell you that your favorite (and only) uncle's cancer means that he might, in fact, only have weeks to live instead of the months or years you expected.

4) You might take the opportunity to do your laundry only to realize upon removing a load from the dryer that you left an ink pen in one of your pockets and most of your clothes are ruined.

5) Your brother might call and reveal that he expects you (so penniless that you had to borrow money from your parents to pay for the plane ticket out to his wedding) to pay for your own tuxedo rental in his wedding, necessitating even more scrimping and saving, and then go on to reveal that he needs tuxedo measurements in the next few days (during finals, of course).